Thursday, September 24, 2009

Attack of the 50ft Anxiety

Last night was the second time I felt miserable. And it wasn't because of food.

I had a pretty bad day yesterday because I couldn't leave work early like I planned to. I offered to give my colleague a ride to the store because I was going to pop by anyway. By the time we left the office, it was 6pm and I was feeling super tired. So I told him I will drop him off nevertheless. I had no idea they started to close the roads for the F1 races this weekend, so we were stuck in traffic for a good half hour. I was frustrated enough and when I finally got to my parent's place, my mother grumbled at me for being late and not being able to drink the chicken soup she made. I almost wanted to cry; not sure why but I felt really sad. I managed to cool off by relaxing in the car ride to dinner.

When The Husband and I got home later that night, I was hit pretty hard with anxiety and broke. Sitting and sobbing uncontrollably, I felt so alone and helpless. I was suddenly consumed by the thought of being a mother and completely freaked out. Perhaps we are not ready for this. It is a huge responsibility that we might have just taken lightly. After an hour of bawling my eyes out, I called it a day and went to sleep. I was completely and thoroughly wasted.

I knew a big part was the hormones that attacked me but I still cannot stop thinking about what a huge step this is for us. And if we had really really thought this through properly. But I know that as our baby gets bigger each day, I love him/her more and more. I want to be a good mother and I certainly feel pretty stupid for starting the drama last night. I just hope in the next couple of weeks or so, I will start to feel better.

1 comment:

adriene said...

you will be a great mum!

take care...